September

When we first learned about Mary's diagnosis I made it a point not to consult "Dr. Google." During our time in the hospital I was daily given a near constant stream of information to process. So there really was little time for me to do so, even if I had wanted to. Having said that there was one thing I was curious about. Everything, it seems, has an awareness month or at least day. So that was my "Dr. Google" search, to find out when leukemia awareness month was. Imagine my surprise when I learned that it is September. The timing is unreal. In addition to that September is also Childhood Cancer Awareness month as well. So there you go, a two for one. Of you will.

In Mary news her hair is falling out.

The first night in the hospital I asked the nurse, who was answering my constant stream of random questions, if her hair would fall out. She told me that it probably would, if nothing else would it definitely thin. After today I would be surprised if all it did was thin. So much has fallen out today. She already has a bald spot on the back of her head. I just have to slightly pull at the ends and it out it comes. She is a hair twister. So she twists and twists and then ends up with hair in her hands that she shakes off and grabs more hair to twist. I felt like I was constantly gathering hairs from her back, and clumps from her twisting. 

When we told the kids about Mary having leukemia she had already been given chemo that has a side affect of hair loss so I knew I had to tell that that this was a possibility. Of all the things we talked about that night Mary losing her hair was the thing that concerned Ruth the most. She thought she wouldn't be able to recognize her anymore. As so much of it has come out today, and when we pointed it out, her response was, "So is today the day her hair comes out?"

I don't know why but in the beginning of this I had hoped that the hair falling out would come later. Sometimes I can't believe that we're really living this. That "leukemia" and "cancer" are words we use almost everyday. Words that apply to my baby. But I am careful to not ask "why?" I know that won't get me far. I can only pray for strength to carry us. For patience. And for faith. And for a whole host of other things.